Friday, March 21, 2008

Step 3: Practice "The Cut"

True douchebags don't think about getting douche-y. They realize that being a douchebag is not their choice. It is, instead, as genetically pre-determined as, say, being a redhead. What IS a choice, however, is to what degree of douchedom a prolific douche will aspire to. The best of the best understand effective douchebaggery happens organically and is continual. So should your body stop moving, your douchiness must not. Just like the shark who stops swimming, the DB who stops being a complete and utter vaginal wash is dead in the water. Rest assured though – there are many ways to prevent your devolving into a well-mannered, self-aware shell of your former douchebag self.

Take for example the simple street corner. Approach a crowded intersection where people are waiting to cross. Make your way to the head of the pack and stand in FRONT of the person closest to the curb. You should now be first in line to traverse the street once the light changes. AND you've now put yourself in position to control the PACE of the cross. This important detail should be noted and exploited to its full potential whenever possible. Nothing pisses people off more than being at the mercy of a douchebag.

Try this in a crowded lobby, too. If done correctly, you should be able to transition nicely into an 'Elevator Door Save' (see Step 2 for details.) Mastery of this devastating combo will only narrow the gap between you and a PhD in doucheology.

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