Thursday, March 20, 2008

Step 2: Stick your arm in the elevator door right before it closes

The douchiest of douchbags master this one early. But don't be fooled by it's relatively low rank of '2'. There's actually a high level of difficulty involved. Not to mention a degree of natural athletic ability not usually found in DBs.

The most important thing to remember is do not panic. And don't imagine it ripping your arm off, either. The elevator will NOT continue upward with your dismembered extremity inside while you bleed to death in the lobby. Relax. The door WILL open once your arm breaks the plane. So remain calm and really focus on jamming it in there right at the last second. Practice makes perfect. And a prolific douche never rests.

Once inside, show everyone what a big time sack of feminine hygiene cleaner you are by pressing '2'. Or better yet – look at no one in particular and say, 'Two please.' Then try not to laugh too hard while they wonder what that vinegar smell is.

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